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AHS MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS:

AHS MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Freddie provides the morning announcements today!!!!!

TONIGHT BECAUSE INTERCOM IS OUT.  CHERRY BOMB IN BOY’S BATHROOM KNOCKED OUT WHOLE SYSTEM.  LUNCH:  GLUTEN FREE CORNBREAD.  FREE RANGE CHICKEN NUGGETS.  ORGANIC WATERY SPINACH.  TOFU HAMBURGERS.  BEVERAGE:  YOUR CHOICE OF LACTOSE FREE MILK OR STARBUCK’S SKINNY DOUBLE-SHOT DECAF CARAMEL MACCHIATO.   DESSERT:  FAT FREE BROWNIES OR LARGE POMENGRANATE LOADED WITH ANTI-OXIDANTS.   MR. WOMACK’S FACEBOOK:  ALL THOSE STUDENTS WHO WANT TO BE FRIENDS ON MR. WOMACK’S FACEBOOK PLEASE CHECK WITH HIS OFFICE THIS AFTERNOON FOR PRE-SCREENING.
 
PARKING:  WOULD ALL STUDENTS DRIVING EITHER SUVS OR CROSSOVERS, PLEASE PARK ON THE LOT BELOW THE TENNIS COURTS.  YOUR CARS ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THOSE FACULTY DRIVING STUDEBAKERS AND NASH RAMBLERS. 

CLUBS:  AHS’ GAY AND LESBIAN CLUB WILL MEET OPENLY AND PROUDLY AFTER SCHOOL IN THE LIBRARY.
 
MRS. LAUDERSTEDT HAS BANNED THE USE OF I-PADS IN HER ALGEBRA CLASSES AS THEY ARE AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE OVER THOSE STUDENTS STILL USING SLIDE RULES. 

THE BLOGGING CLUB WISHES TO ANNOUNCE THAT ALL STUDENTS WHO ARE INTERESTED IN JOINING THE BLOGGING CLUB MUST GO TO BLOG TRAINING TO LEARN HOW TO MISSPELL WORDS, WRITE IN INCOMPLETE AND UNINTELLIBLE SENTENCES, AND USE ACRONYMS THAT NO ONE CAN FIGURE OUT.  LOL! 

ENDZONE CELEBRATIONS:  COACH RAMSEY HAS ANNOUNCED THAT ALL ENDZONE DANCES AFTER TOUCHDOWNS WILL STOP IMMEDIATELY.  FANS HAVE COMPLAINED THAT THE DANCES LACK BOTH RYTHYM AND CREATIVITY, AND ARE PAINFUL TO WATCH.
 
IN ADDITION, COACH GOZA HAS DELCARED THAT ALL LEAPING CHEST BUMPS  WILL CEASE.  TOO MANY PLAYERS WEIGHING LESS THAN 150 POUNDS HAVE BEEN INJURED DOING THIS ….. AND OVER HALF OUR TEAM WEIGHS LESS THAN 150 LBS.!!!  BOTH COACHES HAVE URGED PLAYERS TO RETURN TO A SIMPLE PAT ON THE BUTT TO CELEBRATE ALL GOOD PLAYS. 

CHEERLEADING PROVOCATIONS:    EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELLY, THE CHEER, “STAND THEM ON THEIR HEADS, STAND THEM ON THEIR FEET” WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWED AT FOOTBALL & BASKETBALL GAMES.  APPARENTLY, THE CHEER PROVOKES EXCESSIVE TWEETING AMONG STUDENT FANS.  FOR EXAMPLE, ONE RECENT TWEET READ:  “DIDN’T I TELL YOU SHE HAS FAT LEGS.”   ANOTHER TWEET READ:  “GOOD LORD.  JUST ONE NIGHT WITH HER AT THE GLENWOOD DRIVE-IN AND I’D BE A HAPPY MAN.” 

SMOKING:   GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS FOR ALL STUDENTS WHO SMOKE:  GOOD NEWS:  YOU MAY KEEP YOUR MARLBORO’S ROLLED UP IN YOUR T-SHIRT SHORT SLEEVE.  BAD NEWS:  YOU CAN’T SMOKE WITHIN A THREE MILE RADIUS OF THE H IGH SCHOOL. 

SOCK HOP:  THE SOCK HOP SCHEDULED FOR THIS FRIDAY AFTER THE FOOTBALL GAME HAS BEEN POSTPONED INDEFINITELY DUE TO A DISAGREEMENT ABOUT WHAT MUSIC TO PLAY AT THE DANCE.  APPARAENTLY HALF OF THE DANCE COMMITTEE WANTS TO PLAY GOLDEN OLDIES, AND HALF WANT TO PLAY THE BEST OF LADY GAGA. 

THIS CONCLUDES MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS:  NOW GO TO YOUR FIRST PERIOD CLASS QUICKLY AND QUIETLY.

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